More Jokes

An eight-year-old boy walks into the local grocery store and picked out a large box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, trying to be friendly, and asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.

"Oh, not laundry. I'm going to wash my dog," said the boy.

"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog," the grocer said. "It's very powerful detergent and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it could even kill him."

But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it. The grocer continued to try to convince the boy, but it was no use. The young boy's mind was made up.

About a week later, the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer approached the boy and asked him how his dog was doing.

"Oh, he died," the boy said sadly.

"I'm so sorry son. I tried to warn you that the detergent could kill your dog," the grocer said.

"Well," the boy replied. "It wasn't the detergent that killed him."

The grocer was a bit relieved. "Oh? What was it then?" he asked.

"Mom said it was probably the spin cycle."

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Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert
near a gas station that was closed for the
night. They approached one of the gas
pumps and the younger alien addressed
it saying, "Greetings, Earthling. We come
in peace. Take us to your leader."

The gas pump, of course, didn't respond.
The younger alien became angry at the lack
of response and the older alien said, "I'd
calm down if I were you,"

The younger alien ignored the warning and
repeated his greeting. Again, there was no
response. Annoyed by what he perceived
to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew
his ray gun and said impatiently, "Greetings,
Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore
us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!"

The older alien warned his comrade saying,
"You don't want to do that! I don't think you
should make him mad."

"Rubbish," replied the cocky, young alien.
He aimed his weapon at the pump and
opened fire.

There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball
roared towards them and blew the younger alien
off his feet and deposited him a burnt, crumpling
mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.
About a half hour passed. When he finally
regained consciousness, he refocused his
three eyes and straightened his bent antenna
and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien
who was standing over him shaking his big
green head.

"What a ferocious creature!" exclaimed the
young, fried alien. "He damn near killed me! How did you know
he was so dangerous?"

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly
feeler on his crispy friend and replied, "If there's
one thing I've learned during my intergalactic
travels, when a guy has a penis he can wrap
around himself and then stick it in his ear,
you REALLY don't want to mess with him!!!