Darwin Award winners for 2005

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards
are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here then, are the glorious Darwin Award Winners for 2005:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended
victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would-be robber
James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered
down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat
cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted
a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence,
sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the
machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for
his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his
Vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably,
he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean
bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed
to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped.
Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a
nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
ride. He then delivered the passengers the mental hospital,
telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and
prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't
discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering
from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train.
When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police
that he was simply trying to see how close he could get
his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill
on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk
opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for
all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly
provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled,
leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of
cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a
gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.
He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a
liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he
lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head
at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit
the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious.
The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole
event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store,
man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately,
and the woman was able to give them a detailed description
of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended
the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to
the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and
told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied,
"Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the
purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man
walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m.,
flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him
down because he said he couldn't open the cash register
without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings,
the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.
The man, frustrated, walked away.

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor
home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than
he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a
very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled
sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to
trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into
the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the
vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the
best laugh he'd ever had.