Confused

I dunno what to do anymore...........
My head is confused of my heart says,
that I would lose again....
(Yes I know that the heart can't think,
for it only pumps blood.
It is that part of my brain
which pumps happiness, that I refer here)

Not just losing of the game,
which all has battled & got over with.

But losing that light in my life
which somehow..
gave me a reason...
put a smile on my face
& which made me feel it somehow
provided all life's worth...

I wished I could let go.....
But now, I'm not so sure